Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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