I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just invented taco cereal.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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