Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize