I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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