yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize