dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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