Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize