69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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