Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
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