The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need a beard to bite.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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