I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
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he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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