Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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