He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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