im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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