then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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