if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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