I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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