that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize