It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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