On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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