What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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