Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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