The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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