Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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