she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
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she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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