I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize