I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize