He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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