Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
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I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
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The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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