just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't deserve a penis
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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