I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize