and you said cock pushups were impossible
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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