Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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