So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
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Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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