Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
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she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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