I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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