We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize