Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
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I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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