I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize