Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
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Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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