yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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