Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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