I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
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Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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