I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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