the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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