obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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