Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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