why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
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idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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