hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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