i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He better not be in your backpack
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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